Well, yesterday’s post sort of just happened. As I have
implied, I wasn’t really sure how all of this was going to take shape, but now
I feel that I have a good format to follow.
And as I also stated before, I promise all of this is leading up to my
current situation. I know that it keeps
you in suspense when I say that. I think
it will all be worth the wait. You’ll be
the judge when we get there.
Now is the best time to explain the different categories
that my ‘relationships’ fall into. I
think it will give you a better idea of me and the way that I work. That, or you’ll think I’m some sort of
boy-crazy tramp. Which, maybe I am by your standards, you’ll
make a decision of your own regardless of how I put it.
Okay, so my categorizations. Here we go:
:Boyfriends: (Referred to as such in future blogs!)
Most people don’t need this one explained. I’ve had a surprisingly small amount of
these. I said I’d divulge, and I
will. But these are brief
descriptions. A boyfriend to me is when
I am exclusive with only one guy. I don’t
see anyone else, and I’m not actively seeking other males to be around. A boyfriend, like most other things in life,
is a label. Monogamy isn’t my favorite thing, but every once in a while you
find someone who makes you forget there might be anyone else out there. It can be nice. I’ve enjoyed the boyfriends I’ve had, but
like I said, there haven’t been many.
:Consistent
Relationships: (Referred to as SemComs [Semi Committed Relationships] in future posts)
This is the kind I’ve had the most of. These are non-exclusive, but like the name
says, consistent. Basically it was being
together without a label. We weren’t
official, so seeing other people was okay, but that rarely happened. It was nice to have someone, but nice not to
have to claim them. Not booty-calls…because
it was emotional too, and we did other things besides sex. But convenient because you always had someone
to have sex with. And if it wasn’t like
that, well, that’s where the next category comes into play.
:Benefit-Only
Relationships: (Referred to as Bed Buddies in future posts)
I hesitate calling it
a relationship, because really it was just for sex. But that is a kind of relationship…so it is
part of this list of categories. These
are booty-calls. Like the title says, it’s
just about getting it on, and little else. I also like to call these ‘Filler’
relationships. Because they fill in the
time between Consistent relationships if your ‘partner’ isn’t available for
fun-time, or you aren’t in that sort of place yet. These are my favorite kind, if I’m being 100%
honest. But they also come with a
certain amount of guilt. I always feel
like no matter how they start and finish…someone is always using someone. Someone always feels more than the other and
someone always gets hurt. I find that it
never ends up being me that’s hurt.
Maybe that’s conceited…but it’s the truth.
:One Night Stands: (Referred to as such in future posts)
Another one that doesn’t need an explanation. In all fairness, I have only experienced one
of these. It was awkward to say the
least. I’ve never been interested in
having another one. Not that it wasn’t
good, because it was. The morning after
just isn’t worth it. I’m too much of a
control freak for any of that.
And then there’s the final category…
The :“I know you’re
not good for me, but I’m hopelessly in love with you and will disrupt my whole
life for you whenever you come calling, which isn’t that often because we’re
not on the same page” kind.: (Referred to as The Messy Relationship in future posts)
Yes, it’s a mouthful.
And I am one of the oh-so-lucky people to have one. This, technically, has been my longest
relationship, but only because it spans years.
It has never been consistent. It
has never been predictable. And it is my
one weakness. I will delve deeper into
this mess later, because it’s a huge part of why I do what I do…and why I am at
where I am.
I guess this would be as good a time as any to tell you my
personal views on women and sex. I find
the whole idea that a woman who is comfortable with her body and sexuality, who
enjoys engaging in sexual activity, is responsible about who and how she
engages in it and isn't shy about who knows should be labeled any of the
derogatory terms used by men and other women to describe someone who isn't a
prude quite ridiculous. I’m not prude-shaming. I firmly believe that if you have a certain
view, or belief or conviction that you should stick to it, regardless of what
it may be. But once you start projecting
these views onto others to judge them, or to build some sort of self-righteous
opinion of yourself, that’s when it becomes wrong. No one has the right to tell you how to live
your life based on their own personal beliefs.
I don’t see anything wrong with what I do. I don’t judge anybody for their decisions
concerning sex. I don’t think that who
you do it with, how you do it, or how often you do it should be any indication
of the kind of life that you lead. I
would never call anybody a whore, slut or tramp because I just don’t believe
that those words are appropriate for any situation.
That being said, I have been called many variations of those
words because I am a woman who enjoys being with men. There is an enormous double standard where
sex is concerned. Men who enjoy it (and
let’s be honest, what man doesn’t…) and have multiple partners, or always have
a different partner, are considered Alpha Males. Women who do the same get called tramps. I never saw much sense in that.
There is nothing wrong with knowing what you like and going
for it. There is nothing wrong with
enjoying sex and having lots of it. Now,
of course, with anything there are limits.
I think you have to be smart about it.
Use protection, know who you’re sliding into bed with enough to know if
they’ll respect you and your wants and needs (Hence, my single one night stand
experience). In other words, don’t be an
idiot.
If you set some rules, follow them and don’t make
exceptions, I think you can avoid the negative things usually associated with
sex (unwanted pregnancy, STI’s, AIDS, emotional/physical damage, etc…).
You can disagree with my views all you want, but nothing you
say will make me feel guilty about it.
You can’t change my mind or shame me into altering my lifestyle. This is how I have always felt. Sex is a good thing. It’s not dirty or shameful or a huge
secret. It is a physical expression of
love, or affection, or desire. There’s
nothing wrong with two people sharing in it, if they’re both ready and
responsible.
Since this is turning into a huge, long post, I have decided
to split it into two posts. Tune in next
time for Part 2!!
--Lemi
No comments:
Post a Comment