Sem-Com #2: Dalton

I hesitate to classify him as a Semi-Committed relationship, but that is the closest category he relates to.

Oh, Dalton.

I guess I’ll start off by saying that Dalton is the very first boy that I slept with.  Yes, Dalton took my virginity.  I am 99.9% sure that I took his, too.  Although, we both lied about it if this is the case.

Dalton and I also went to high school together.  We ran in very different circles and never interacted with each other during that time.  In fact, it wasn’t until our sophomore year in college that we even really spoke to each other for the first time.

We both moved into The Apartments around the same time.  I know because he was signing paperwork when I came to take a tour. We were both freshmen in a strange new college world, far from our home state.  I remember thinking that we should get together some time.  If for no other reason than we needed friends.

That didn’t happen until sophomore year (of college).  Somehow, he ended up getting my number and we began texting back and forth.  After a few weeks of that, he asked me if I wanted to hang out sometime.  I was interested, so I said yes.

Our first official date was getting ice cream and walking around a local park.  I was surprised at how easily our conversation came.  I had expected it to be awkward, since all of our communication hitherto had been via text, but it wasn’t.  But I remained skeptical.

You see, Dalton had a bit of reputation.  From my friends and peers in high school, I learned that Dalton liked to fool around with girls, use them until he grew tired, and then leave them in a complicated mess.  I had no desire to be tossed aside after being used.  I guess now would be a good time to bring up the fact that this had happened to two of my very good friends in high school.  Remember how I said that I didn’t have very many really great friends?  Well, two out of the five had a bad experience with him.

So, I enjoyed his company, enjoyed being with him, but remained somewhat distant.

After this date, we fell back into our texting ways, without any real interaction.  A few weeks later, I invited him over to watch some movies with me and my roommates.  He showed up.  I was surprised.  This happened a few times.  One of us would invite the other over for some random activity.  Sometimes we’d go, sometimes we wouldn’t. 

It became pretty clear that we had chemistry.  A lot of people assumed we were dating because of how we acted around each other.  I would like to make clear, that at this point, we had no physical contact outside of normal social interactions.  But oh, did we flirt.

One night, we rented out The Apartments small movie theater.  My roommates came, and they all had their boy toys.  So, I invited Dalton.  I remember, I had a really nasty cold at the time.  This didn’t seem off-putting to him at all.   The movie theater had huge beanbags and assorted couches in place of normal seating.  Dalton and I ended up on one of the bean bags.  This is where we had our very first kiss and make out session.  Why he chose to do it when I was sicker than a dog, was beyond me.  But I won’t complain.   It was a lot of fun.

After that, we started meeting up just to make out.  Don’t get me wrong, I was still super skeptical about him.  I had this feeling that any day now, he was going to get over me and stop contacting me all together, as his past indicated would happen.  So, I enjoyed him while I had him, fully expecting it to come to a sudden stop and have him disappear from my life.  I think this knowledge was what convinced me that Dalton would ultimately be the person that I would sleep with.

I can see how this would be confusing for people.  All in all, Dalton had a dirt bag reputation.  I liked him, but knew he was bad news, so I distanced myself emotionally from all of our interactions.  We had chemistry, and flirted nonstop---can you see why it made sense?  Given that I’ve already explained to you what I was looking for in the guy I would give my virginity to, he fit the bill almost perfectly. 

I would like to take the time to explain that I assumed we were both on the same page with our relationship….if you could call it that.  I thought we both knew exactly what we were getting into.  We had never determined our relationship, extended any boundaries concerning seeing other people or expressed a desire to be exclusive.  I thought we both liked each other enough to flirt and fool around, but not enough to really make something solid.

Apparently, I was wrong in that regard.  Dalton later told me, long after we were over, that he really thought that we were going to end up together. He expressed a lot of frustration over the fact that I did not like him as he had apparently liked me.

I have a lot of guilt associated with Dalton, but not for the reasons you’re probably thinking.  I do not regret sleeping with him.  I do not regret our time together, or the way that we acted.  I do regret that I formed so many opinions of him based on others, and never really, honestly gave him a chance to mean anything to me.  I was so convinced that he would just up and leave me when he was done, that I did not take our relationships seriously.  I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had trusted that he was being genuine.  I think we probably would have ended up in a serious relationship.  That kind of thinking scares me.  But I guess now, I’ll never know.

After we slept together, a lot of things changed. (I know, you are all DYING to hear about losing my virginity.  I promise, it’s the next post.  It deserves its own, and it will get one.  Next time!)  Number one, and I don’t want to give too much away, but I am pretty sure neither of us were honest about our experience with sex prior to our bedroom romp.  Number two, he did not wear a condom, and I was not on birth control (So stupid, I know, I will talk about this more in the next post).  Number three, I was so sure that he would be done with me that I did not talk to him for weeks after we had sex.

Naturally, after you sleep with someone, your relationships changes. We weren’t as flirty as we were before…I guess because we knew we could do what we wanted with each other after that?  Flirting just seemed pointless.  We still had amazing chemistry, and continued ‘fooling around’ on and off throughout our undergrad studies.

This is why I hesitate to name him a sem-com…he was more like a bed buddy.  In between my other relationships, Dalton and I continued to meet up to have sex, or fool around.  It was kind of nice to have someone who was just a text away from showing up and being there for me.

It wasn’t just sex.  I know it sounds that way, but it wasn’t.  We had more in common than I had realized.  We shared more than just the occasional orgasm. (It took me a while to actually HAVE one with him…but more on that later!)

We had some really great conversations…mostly post coitus.  But still.  We’d mess around and then talk far into the morning.  We never actually stayed the night with each other, which was too intimate for me…and remember I was fairly sure this was mainly sexual for both of us.

As previously stated, you will always hold a special place in your life for the one who you give your virginity to.  You can’t help it.  They will always be a part of your life’s journey.  I look back on my time with Dalton with very mixed emotions.  Part guilt, part fondness. 

After all physical aspects of our relationship ended, after a huge fight (which you’ll hear about later) and then a reconciliation some time later, we had a good discussion about everything.  He admitted that he had liked me and wanted more than what we had.  I told him that I was so worried that he was just using me that I didn’t let myself like him more than necessary.  I guess I was so worried about getting played that I ended up being the player.  I did tell him I was sorry about what went down.  I don’t think he was convinced, but we did part on friendly terms at that point.  We later had another falling out…and that was the last I heard of him. 

I wonder if he thinks of me every so often…I’m not sure if I want to know, really.  I hope he is doing well in his life.  I hope he found someone who satisfied him in every aspect and wish him only the best.  He is one of the few relationships I had in which I can truly say that I want him to be happy.  He deserves it.  I was kind of a bitch. 

It’s funny…but I was so convinced that I wanted to have sex for the first time with someone who I didn’t care about, that I don’t think I let myself care about Dalton.  I think it would have been very easy for me to fall in love with him.  Part of me wonders if I did, but suppressed it so I could justify sleeping with him.  Part of me knows I felt more for him than I ever admitted to him or myself.  I do regret not telling him.  But you can’t change the past.

He played a huge role in my life, not only as my first, but as a recurring relationships throughout my undergrad years.  I’ll always have that, if nothing else.

Well…that’s Dalton.  He does show up later, so this isn’t the end of him.  But there’s a quick rundown of my dealings with him.